There was a time when I used to get into a downward spiral quite often. Anger, frustration, lack of motivation, solitude became part of my day to day existence.
I went into a constant state of “funk”.
During one of these episodes, I wrote down my analysis of this feeling in my journal.
I share it here so that you know how common this is. And how normal it is.
But more importantly, that you can come out of it.
I have started to bring more awareness to my feeling of funk. Being down in the dumps, or angry, or unhappy.
I stay with it. Look at it. And try to think about why I feel that way.
It’s important to stay with it. Once the feeling passes, its analysis becomes retrospective. And my brain starts to fill in the gaps.
Being in the funk and understanding it is the only way to get to the core of why that feeling occurs.
But I feel that when I’m in it and I stay with it, I’m perpetuating it. I don’t like to stay there, but I cannot fix it if I don’t.
As I begin to understand the feeling better, I’m able to catch it quicker.
For example, if I catch the feeling, I could try and reason with it. Give it an alternative outcome. But it’s all intellectual. And feelings are not.
So I can’t logic my way through this.
I have to feel my way. Something I’m terrible at.
Anyway, as I’m understanding it better, I’m trying to see if this is inherently in my nature or not. As in, am I naturally a funky person?
If so, the feeling of funk is natural to my behaviour. And the triggers many.
If it is in my nature, then I have to fix it on a behaviour level. I have to understand who I am and why that behaviour exists. And how does that behaviour lead to the feeling of funk?
Otherwise, I’m thinking about it superficially. And every time there’s a trigger, it will evoke that emotion in me.
I don’t like this feeling.
But I have to stay with it.
Reflect on it.
And root it out.